2018 that's a wrap! Movin' on into 2019!
And what a year it was!
I have to say that as challenging as the last 365 days were, I really wouldn't change any of it. For me 2018 was the hardest year of my life thus far, with so many extreme highs and extreme lows. I didn't officially become a Mom in 2018, but only 2 months prior to the ball drop, I did. Learning to be a Mom, to parent with my partner, to take time for self-care, I really struggled with it all. I put everyone's needs before my own (which isn't unusual) and it showed on me. I stopped going out, meeting with friends, making excuses to stay home with Hudson. I got trapped by my own post-partum depression. I never wanted to admit it, because even though SO many Mother's go through it, it's still a taboo subject and to most, shows some sort of defeat. When I finally swallowed the idea that I truly was suffering, I got help and things improved. I went out more, smiled more, and finally felt a bit of ease. As Hudson got older that helped as well, I didn't feel the need to hide inside, that he would be fine for longer spurts outdoors. I saw friends, went on dates with my fiancé, had solo nights. But then the Mom guilt came, and I stopped again. I sunk back into a depression. I sought out therapy and found that so helpful. It became my "me" time, my 1 hour to unwind, to let out any frustrations I was dealing with. The self-care though, besides the 1 hour therapy on Wednesday's, still wasn't happening. No matter how many times Ryan told me to go get my nails done, to get my hair done, to go out and shop, I didn't. I still wasn't taking any time for myself, it's as if I felt I didn't deserve it. If I took that time or used that money, Hudson would be missing out on either that time or baby item. If I took time or used that money, Ryan would miss out on his time or item HE wanted. I didn't care for me. I didn't care for the money or time for me. But that is where things change. 2019 is the year of self-love/care for Courtney. To learn to love myself more will help so much in every other aspect of my life, I just know it. I am only day 3 in, but I can already feel a difference. My best friend called last night and immediately she could tell a change in my voice, that's how I know I am on the right path, that little tiny voice change. Positivity.
So what is your number one goal this year?
Is it also self-love/care?
If so, what do you do that makes YOU happy? What do you do with an hour or two out of your day that is purely for your own well being?
Until next time,
Beep Beep
Courtney