So I am fearful. I just am. It's almost as if it's ingrained in my make-up as a person. It's crazy to think about, because I really believed I was the least fearful person I knew. Maybe it's just coming out now as I am growing older? I'm not sure. I mean I moved across the country when I was 19 years old and set-up shop in a city where I knew nobody. How is that the act of someone who is fearful? But here I am. Fearful literally since birth, just really good at holding it down juuuust enough to be able to graze on by without many people truly noticing.
Fear has stopped me from doing many things, and has also stopped me from starting many things. I grew up fearing the most insane things, so much so that it stopped me from succeeding in things that I was actually good at. Take gymnastics for instance, I was enrolled when I was around 7 or 8 years old. I loved it, I was good at it, and just as quickly as I had fallen in love with it, I stopped. The reason I quit? Because I was FEARFUL that my thighs would become too large, that I would be this muscular looking girl that wouldn't be acceptable or liked. Who thinks like that? Especially at that age? Oof!
I was in for a world of stopping and starting sports/activities, finding excuses for my fear of succeeding. It went on for years, shoot it's still going on. Finding anything and everything I can to make myself truly believe I won't be good at something. My own brain stops me before I even start now, it's gotten that bad. And quite frankly I am tired of my brain's bullshit.
I picked up Ryan's camera today after telling myself literally weeks ago to do so. Why did it take me weeks? I was legit fearful that the pictures I took with this amazing camera wouldn't be good enough, for me, for anyone. Why do I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect? It's unattainable and really ridiculous. So I snapped, and snapped picture after picture of my sweet little guy, and you know what? They came out alright! Okay they came out good! Great! Take that fear!
Now go pick on someone your own size. Or don't. Just stay the hell out of my head.
Until next time,
Beep Beep
Courtney