My Greatest downfall.

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I haven't posted in 2 weeks. All to do with just being a little more anxiety ridden than usual, and chasing after a very active 11 month old. So let's get back into the swing of things, shall we?

Anxiety is the pits.I have been a pretty avid sufferer since I was about 12 years old. For twenty years I have been struggling with something that from the outside doesn't look like a big deal. Smiling and laughter are amazing masks. The panic attacks have faded (thank goodness), but the panic at times still remains. It's insane to think that anxiety has been one of the most consistent things in my life. I have used all sorts of methods to manage my symptoms. From different medications to therapy and yoga, I have tried them all. Currently therapy and yoga are my go-to's. After months of searching and getting nowhere, I found a therapist who seems to truly understand me. I see her once a week and we hash it all out. I leave feeling open and insanely vulnerable, but it is good. It is progress. I am in the process now of working through a slew of emotions/experiences that didn't come up or out until recently. That part is hard, the coping is hard. But we get through it though don't we? As humans we are resilient, as a woman I am resilient and as a mother I am resilient. I have been through every trial and tribulation to get to where I am at this exact moment. I work that much harder through any pain, anxiety or downfall because I refuse to let this take me any longer.

For that insanely active, insanely cute 11 month old baby I have, I do this for him. I know I will never be a perfect mother or human being, but I can be a decent one. For my soon to be husband, I do this for him. The baggage we obtain throughout our life is incredibly hard to let go of, especially with romantic relationships. I am so guilty of letting things from the past play into the future. I think most of us are. All we can do is just work at it. One day, shoot one second at a time. Anyone who suffers from anxiety can understand how hard that can be, when you are merely just struggling to calm your mind. Every single day is a day to just try, to breathe and to just let go.

Know you are not alone. So many people suffer in silence and it can become overwhelming. I know I was hitting my breaking point until I found my release. It's worth it to look into mechanisms to help you feel better. You are worth it.

Until next time,

Beep Beep

Courtney