Turning over that new leaf.

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So yesterday I posted a picture to my Instagram that was taken during The Shoreline Church's Fall Festival. The photo was taken on a Friday and it took me 2 days to post. The delay had nothing to do with the picture itself, but the words below the image.

I grew up going to Church off and on. I attended with my family, ran Sunday school for the little ones with my Mom and even attended the pre-teen group on Wednesday's. When I was 14 years old that life ended for me. After having some issues at home, I moved in with my Dad. He wasn't really ever home (work-a-holic) and he was definitely not a Church-goer and neither were the friends I had made in my new city. My friends and I fell in love with music and live shows. My focus was solely on that, and it sort of became my new religion. The sense of togetherness I felt from being at a show, watching my favorite band play live, was something that I needed so badly. I held onto that feeling for years.

I never stopped having faith or believing, but I did choose to stuff that part of me down and keep it away, mostly due to worry on how I would be perceived by those closest to me. I knew how others viewed religious people, and a tiny part of me viewed them in the same light. The arrogant, naïve, and close-minded nature was not something I wanted to be associated with. And so I kept mum, until now.

When Hudson was born I couldn't keep going the way I was going. I felt so overcome with emotion and gratitude for the life I had been given. The life I had always wanted, but didn't care to think too much about it because I didn't think it would happen for me, it did happen. So when Ryan came to me and told me that even though he wasn't fully vested, he would go back to Church for me. That meant the world to me and made the whole process that much easier. We tried a few different Churches until we landed on The Shoreline Church of San Clemente. We have been going for a few months now, and just I feel more complete. That space that was holed up and shut off is now filled. It's still new and I haven't completely allowed myself to get comfortable, but I am getting there. Through Shoreline I joined MOPS (mother of preschooler's) and attend that with Hudson every Thursday. Other than Ryan being supportive and attending Sunday service with me, the group has seemed to help the most. Helps to get me out of my comfort zone and surround myself with other Mom's who are on the same page as I am.

It is silly to think I was so worried to post that picture, but I am glad I did. I know religion isn't for everyone, and for awhile it wasn't for me either. I have changed and though I may have different views, I would never push those onto anyone. I am still me, just slightly better in my own eyes.

Until next time,

Beep Beep

Courtney